Monday, January 18, 2010

Translating John Kerry

Senator John Kerry weighed in today on the Brown-Coakley Senate race in his home state. It might be difficult for many to understand, as he was speaking Democratese. Fortunately, having gotten my Masters in that language (I also had to prove fluency in several Negro dialects to get my degree, but that is an aside) with a minor in lip reading, I can assist with helpful translations of what Sen. Kerry actually said and meant. This from Sen. Kerry:

I'm no stranger to hard fought campaigns, but what we've seen in the past few days is way over the line and reminiscent of the dangerous atmosphere of Sarah Palin's 2008 campaign rallies.

Translation: My God, these right wing yahoos are demanding fiscal discipline and less government - these are precisely the type of people with terrorist predilections that Napolitano warned us about. Can't anyone connect the dots?!?!? For God's sake, someone check their underwear!!

This is not how democracy works in Massachusetts,"

Translation: Who told the peasants that they could start thinking for themselves? What in the nine hells is going on here? [Update: Have to add this in. A quote from a Talking Points Memo post this morning wherein the left wing author gives his perception of the average Bostonian voter: ". . . [T]hey have a certain humility and expect famous people and experts to tell them what to think." Tell them what to think? That is breathtaking in its arrogance and condescension. My satire is trumped by reality.]

"Scott Brown needs to speak up and get his out of state tea party supporters under control.

Translation: I am so screwed if someone doesn't put a lid on these people before I'm up for reelection. Maybe I can impress my states voters by talking about how anti-American the tea party protesters ---

At this point in his speech, Sen. Kerry was interrupted by a phone call from a staffer apparently warning him that the "tea party" as anti-American might not play so well in Boston. Using lip reading, we were able to document his side of the conversation: John Kerry Ready For Duty. Whose speaking? Uh-huh. . . .Yes. . . . Sorry, what's that again? . . . Really? . . . In Boston Harbor you say? . . . 1773? I never knew. . . . So they really were dangerous terrorists even back - - - . . . . . What? Are you sure? Note to self - talk to Bill Ayers about updating the history part of our social justice curriculum.

At this point, he resumed his short statement.

In Massachusetts, we fight hard and win elections on the issues and on our differences, not with bullying and threats.

Translation: Ahem . . . . I sure hope the voters are looking at my words and not Youtube. When a smearmongering rightwing newsie gets thugged by party enforcers and it doesn't get played on the local news, well, no harm no foul.

And there ends John Kerry's helpful - and educational - intercession into the Brown Coakley campaign.


Rose said...

LOL, linked!

Ex-Dissident said...

Heh. This is one of the funniest posts you've ever written.

GW said...

Thanks Rose and Vinnie.

billm99uk said...

That picture makes me feel quite ill....