Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Eulogy For Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be
remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to
come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always
fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more
than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
supended for carrying a water pistol to school and a teacher fired for reprimanding
an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job
that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent
to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform
parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; as the
criminals received better treatment than their victims, and as more and more people weere given special rights as victims of society.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her
lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his
wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

RIP, Common Sense, RIP

- Sent by a friend from across the pond


OBloodyHell said...

Sense also felt violated across The Pond when a young British woman, alone in a house with her daughter, brandished a knife at a home invader, successfully scaring him off, and was later advised by the police that she was breaking the law by threatening him with a deadly weapon.

No counseling was offered to Sense in the aftermath of the event.

"There's nowhere left to be free" he sobbed.

April Lorier said...

Thank you so much for giving me proper credit (Eulogy for Common Sense)